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2002-01-25 - 5:20 p.m.
Chloe and I got into it huge this morning.
She simply refused to put her shoes on
after simply refusing to eat her breakfast
before which, she simply refused to get dressed.
SIMPLY REFUSING ALL AROUND! SIMPLY REFUSING, TODAY'S SPECIAL!!!
When I gave her a spanking, she just took it, and told me she wasn't going anywhere, and laid face down and started giving me COLD HARD EVIL EYE.
Not crying so much, just giving me dagger eyes, which hurt me so much.
Narrowed eyes, pursed lips, angry...three years old, and she kills me with those eyes.
Disciplining her is so fucking hard, when I have to play good cop and bad cop at the same time. I mean, I tell her how much I love her, and how much she means to me, and that I'm not mad at her when I spank her, just disappointed and upset that things aren't being done the way they should be.
It breaks my heart when she says things like, "I'm not mad at you Daddy, I promise." after she's done something bad, and gotten punished.
I just want her to love me, and I don't want her to ever feel like she's going to lose the love I have for her, even when I'm angry and disciplining her.