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2002-09-05 - 4:11 p.m.


I was looking at photos today...and found some photos of my ex-wife, chloe's mom...

I think things would have been much easier, and maybe even better for everyone if I could have loved her.

You're supposed to love your wife. Sometimes I hate myself for not being able to give her that. She deserves that. Every wife deserves that.

Chloe deserves to have her mom in her life. I need to figure out a way to not feel like that's my fault too.

Either way I will do my best being mom and dad for her, since I'm the only one who seems to want to do that right now.

I get dizzy thinking about the possibility of not having the role I do now in her life.

I feel ill when I envision her mother waking up every day, looking at the phone, and not calling Chloe, listening to voice mails I leave with Chloe saying I miss you mommy, or getting in the car (which I got and paid for her after we were divorced) and not driving the 4 hours to come see her face.

I wish I knew what she was going through. I wish I could understand, and help her through whatever it is that keeps her from being in Chloe's life.

I think things would have been much easier, and maybe even better for everyone if I could have kept on pretending.

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this wall has no mortar
Vitals:
35 Years old. 1971.
Taurus. Year of the Pig. Oink
Greying. Dyes, on occasion.
Blue/Green/Grey Eyes.
5'11. Okay, 5'10
215 pounds of boy
dad. married father.
love, big fan of/in
day: sr proj manager
night: pro wrestler (grr)

Links:
Tyler Likes Games
Steven Cloud: Luminary
Sleeping Jeff's Portfolio
Chloe's Unfinished Site
Penny-Arcade

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