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2002-10-01 - 3:30 p.m.



I've been trying to get chloe's mom to help me with her passport and power of attorney process, so I can be assured of taking care of chloe when she comes over to Budapest, and she hasn't helped...finally I've been begging and begging, and she sent me this email



i will log in to yahoo messenger this afternoon..
it's kind of hard to use messenerger at work ..
by next month i can rent a apt.. hopefully...
i'm trying my best... to live..
no matter what people said about me...
if i miss this chance to fix my life..
then there's no future for me to live...
i also knows ..that i'm being a worst mother to chloe..
that makes me want to kill myself...
to moment to moment.. when i get chloes face in my head...
i have to run to the bathroom ...to wipe the tears off of my face..
so no one knows ....
i have to clear alot of things...
it's very hard to involve in any of your lives..right now...
you can say whatever you want to ...
i didn't do anything about the debt i have still..
i can't do anything now..
only thing i can do for now, at this moment...
that i have to work .. and have to keep my job .. more than anything
every night i get nightmares.. people from credit card company ..
they are chasing after me...
even when i'm at work .. someone opens the door
i imagine that person has come here to get me...
it may sound so silly to you..
but it scares me to death...

however tell me what to do...for chloe
by that time... when you guys get back in the states..
i can see her ..and i'll be able to take care of her ..
with my own...i'm not saying ..
i will take her from you..
i meant that i can have her with me .. at my own place..
and not worry about .. where could i take her or what we could do....
i don't feel confortable to talk to your mom...
when your mom called me .. last time..
she said .. somthing about ... she deosn't want to interrupt my life....
no one knows my situation here...
you guys can think however you want to ..
it wouldn't matter to me..
it hurts .... but more than anything i want live a normal life...
a lot of time i just want to give up everything..and just die ..
i want to take rest ...so tired ......
anyway ... i have to get back to work ...
i will talk to you on line .. later ...

bye...


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Vitals:
35 Years old. 1971.
Taurus. Year of the Pig. Oink
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Blue/Green/Grey Eyes.
5'11. Okay, 5'10
215 pounds of boy
dad. married father.
love, big fan of/in
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night: pro wrestler (grr)

Links:
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Chloe's Unfinished Site
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