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2001-07-25 - 8:13 a.m.

you reach out to touch her --to breathe into her ear, softly....

you notice every detail, the smooth shiny length of her neck, her chin rising to your touch, her back arching downwards against you, her hips pressing into yours.

taking in the scent of her hair, and warmth, reaching your arms around her, hands on her breasts, face nestled against the base of her neck, kissing, and whispering.

I love you baby

Her lips part, ever so anticipation of it all...of you and her together.

This one understands me, sees me, feels me, and loves me, you think to yourself.

She needs me, she tells me so. She spends every waking moment with me, and falls asleep with those three words on her lips, and wakes me up in the morning with them in my ear.

And then....


breathing stops.

shoulders and fingers--tension.

and then you feel her slide away, and tell you she doesn't want to be touched by you, or to feel you inside of her...

and she tells you she doesn't know when she's going to feel it again. That sometimes she longs for your embrace, but mostly...she *cringes* at the thought of it.

and then you realize how far you've fallen, and that nobody's going to be at the bottom when you reach it.

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