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2001-07-27 - 8:53 a.m.
Last night I was working late again (read: fucking around doing personal stuff and occasionally working on the style guide for the Solutions Center project...) trying to keep my mind off of this tension and this THING that Mindy and I are going through. It's impossible to not think about it, and I know it will wash over (hope/pray) but I am doing what I can.
Digging into work deeper, trying to find time to work out, taking a look at myself, and trying to be a supportive friend and boyfriend for her.
She is really wonderful to me, and I think for the first time in forever I'm giving my all, not taking shortcuts, or trying to push my needs and will upon someone else. It's not always easy and sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a dampening device, suppressing all of my selfishness, sarcastic jackassedness (if that's not a word it should be).
I mean it's a small thing, sex, in the big picture and in the long term, but it is also a part that can be the most rewarding and pure way toward expressing these feelings we have for one another.
I am not craving sex. I am not having dt's over going without it...we have the intimacy and the closeness, thank goodness, I was worried that was going to fade away too....but I miss her touch.
I miss her looking up at me and smiling and wanting all of me.
So anyways last night she's so sick, throwing up, dry heaving, head pounding, feverish, she's hot to the touch, and I brought her a care package which included:
1 Chillers Gum pack - gets cold in your mouth!
1 Homestyle Chicken Soup
1 Box of Herbal Remedy Tea
1 Package of Flu/Fever Medicine (daytime no drowsy)
1 Pop'n Fresh Breadsticks cannister (her fav)
1 Chocolate chip cookie dough thingie.
1 Card with special upside down get better now note.
1 Free neck/backrub.
We sat in bed, watching tv, just kinda holding each other, brushing arms and legs across, letting the other know we were there, and whispering i love you's back and forth until she drifted off to sleep.
I am doing my best this time, to not be petty, to not dissect everything and to just be thankful that I found someone who loves me so much.
We can get through this intimacy problem. We have to.