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2001-08-30 - 7:01 p.m.

someone asked me what I meant in my journal..about this quote:

I don't want to run out of ways to love them..and when I find new ways to love them, and to express it..I want them to be by choice, not out of necessity. I want those new ways to be my way of giving more of who I am, to them

Vidget's husband cheated on her with a 17 year old girl. He threw away their marriage because he thought he felt it wasn't worth the joy he was experiencing with this new "woman".

She says she can never love him the same way....and that she feels obligated to her children, to love him..but she can't be true to herself by loving him with her heart in the ways she loved before.

I have a candle on my table that mindy bought me..a little glass holder is where it rests. The candle is laying on top of old burned out candles that I've used before.

The wax is melted, and spread out on the base of the glass...colors merging and no longer separate, no longer identifiable as separate candles, their colors, their scents, blurred and faded.

But the wax is still there. It's still what the new candles rest on.

It's keeping the new candle balanced, and eventually when the new candle fades into smoke, the wick burned will become part of the wax at the bottom too. I won't chip it out..or take it away.

I'll just take a new candle, and add it to the top.

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this wall has no mortar
35 Years old. 1971.
Taurus. Year of the Pig. Oink
Greying. Dyes, on occasion.
Blue/Green/Grey Eyes.
5'11. Okay, 5'10
215 pounds of boy
dad. married father.
love, big fan of/in
day: sr proj manager
night: pro wrestler (grr)

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