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2001-09-05 - 4:38 p.m.

If I could have you in my life now, after all this...

I would take crumbs.

I would sit in the same room, and have my stomach ache and knot up over not being able to hold you.

I would cry when I left you, on the way home, and wonder who you'd be waking up with every morning.

I would visit your apartment and see pictures of every man who's loved you, except me of course, on every wall, in every room. I wouldn't even bring up the fact that I'd bet my last pennies that you aren't on their walls.

I would take whatever you gave me, any smile, or laughter.

any embrace or kind straightening my collar.....your face inches from mine, even if only one of us was thinking about the kiss.

I would take the rejection, the pushing away, the way you would tell me that you just didn't want to be held by me, now and who knows when?

I would take these things, I would take these crumbs, these tiny pieces of you, the ones that anyone can have....

I would take these things, I did when we were together-------

---but we're not. So I won't. I need more than crumbs.

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