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2001-09-12 - 7:15 p.m.

You know, I'm going to be hypocritical for a second....because I hate to be the one to say no one life is above another, but the fact is, emotions play a huge part in why I feel this way.

I am sick of seeing the partial victims list, and seeing the media personalities who passed away be listed as

Joe Whoever, Hollywood, 46 Producer of Blahblah Television Show for Whatever Network

and then followed up with....

Jane Doe, Wherever Northeast, 2.

(yes I know their names and stats, not the point)

As if she didn't have anything worthy of suffixing past her name. I don't grieve as much, or as deeply for the family of the polished producer, as I do for the little girl who died along side her parents, as they were forced to accept the reality of not only losing their lives, but ultimately letting down their daughter, and failing that prime directive of parenthood, that to protect our children, to shelter our babies from the bad things in the world.

That's where we failed the most, to protect those who have no way to protect themselves, our children our babies, my baby, my daughter, my everything ; what can I do to make myself believe she's safe when I let go of her hand each day at school, when I head off to my meaningless job, click click click on the keyboard, making stupid conversation, being clever,stupid, stupid software,

so I can buy things,

more things, my things,

her things, things, junk,

eighty hour weeks, overnight

at the office all night what are you doing there? working, still? yes still,

it's midnight,

it's one am,

it's two,


sun's up,

get dressed, time for school,go potty, hurry up, want a spanking???

no sleep, gotta work, gotta meet that deadline, gotta get that new cd, that new game, get the bmw detailed, date this girl, fuck this one and that, watch this stock, hot! TIP! Rising Fast! kenneth cole, dye my fucking greying hair, i'm too fat, must work out, cable tv, and dvds and thirty dollar lunches, where's my raise! where's my fucking leather executive chair and private mailbox?




If you have someone you love, someone who if they disappeared tomorrow, if the mere THOUGHT of that, brings you to your knees, cripples you the way the thought of losing her does to me, then you know what's important.

Whether you figured it out just now, or yesterday, or years ago....the mere realization that nothing else really matters but that overwhelming love you have for that person, and the fact that you'd lose so much of yourself if they were taken away, is enough to make all these stupid things we chase after--our careers, passions, selfish desires--it makes them even more transparent.

Don't let those things distract you from what's really important. Take that person, or persons and wrap yourself around them, however you can, and never let them forget just how important they are to you.


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