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2001-09-21 - 2:11 p.m.

Last night I couldn't get a sitter so I missed out on going to Tenacious D.

Then today, I'm driving back from lunch with Tyler and Brian and this jackass puerto rican guy in a shitty ford escort starts tailgating me, screaming, and I speed up to give myself some room, and he fucking cuts me off, jumps out of his car at a red light.

Then he comes over and kicks my car with his little stumpy legs, I try to get out, but I'm a retard and my seatbelt is still hooked, and he starts popping me in the side of the face. OW!!

"As soon as I get out of this seatbelt you're fucked."

Tyler and Brian are yelling and laughing as this guy's popping me in the face, and kicking my door. Finally I get free, I swing and miss badly, he swings---misses me just as badly and I swing downward and nail him in the ear.

Then he gets up, and I get to my senses, not so crazylike, and front face lock the guy, and hold him in place, trying to cut off the air..He tries to grab my arms, so I knee him twice, maybe three times in the face....and he stops moving so much. I tighten the grasp and try to cut his air off, hoping he'll quit thrashing about.....and I grab his glasses, which are very thick, figuring he can't see well without them.

I put them into my pocket, and call tyler to call the cops.

He FUCKED up my car door, like three more little dents, fucking jackass.

We gave statements, and then I got an icepack from the ER for my face. The ASSAILANT was completely swollen in one eye. I guess from the knees. I didn't want to hurt the guy just make him stop.

The cop laughed when I explained a chanuceroy facelock, and when I said I was a pro wrestler, he said, "Yeah right."

What did you do today?

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