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2001-12-03 - 11:34 a.m.

I'm very tired.

Chloe has had a fever most of the weekend, so saturday I had to no-show (I called in) a wrestling show that was taking place outside of the Ice Palace in Tampa.

I just hung out with her and mulled over financials, which are the shits right now, big paycut fucking me up.

We made cookies, and drank milk, and then she decided she wanted more medicine, and I checked her forehead, and she was on fire.

Some ibuprofen, some cartoons, a cool towel, some dimeatapp, some hugs and some plain old sympathy for her condition.

Sometimes it's so frustrating you know?

I mean, I do my own thing, I do, but if I had someone to share all this with, it would make nights like this seem so small, I bet.

It would be nice to have someone to sit in the kitchen with, sharinga glass of juice or water or whatever, just someone there, who I could take a five minute break from Chloe with, and talk about her situation.

She had a temperature of over 102. I sat there, cursing the senior managment asswhipes who lied to us about our fucking health care being paid up, leaving me without the ability to even get COBRA. No health insurance, for three months, of course we didn't know that, but what's it matter now, right?

I sat there wondering if I should take her into the hospital or see if I could get her temp down, and slowly it came down, her sniffling and struggling through nightmares and feverish waves of talking to her, trying to keep her from crying or waking up.

The fever broke around 0445. Down to 99...then 98.9 where it sat through breakfast of pop tarts, eggs, milk and count chocula.

I look like crap today, and I feel even worse.

I feel bad because all I kept thinking about all throughout the night was how badly I just wanted to go to sleep. I even put her into her own bed, after I thought she was asleep...and tried to sneak back into mine.

Hearing her calling for me made me feel like such a shit.

I finally ended up carrying her into my bed, and letting her fall asleep there. As she was struggling to get to sleep she took my hand and put it on her forehead, and held it there till she drifted off.

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