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2001-12-14 - 8:45 a.m.

Two people called me a good dad today.

That's pretty cool.

Susan and I made plans and fajitas last night....and decided to go see Ocean's 11. Good movie, I guess.

I wish I could smile like Casey Affleck.

I met her at the mall to take her in my car, and since she'd done a ton of christmas shopping, and it would take another hour and a half (at least) to go home, change and come back to the city, that we'd just bum it and go casual.

I decided to go all covert into the mall and buy a new sweatshirt or pullover or whatever at the Gap, because I'm a drone, and I look into the girl's section and there's Susan doing the same exact thing. She didn't see me, because I'm a ninja and she's only half japanese, and I eat more asian food than her thus giving me the Eastern Secret of Hidden Movement and Balance.

She put on her new black sweater thing, and adjusted her makeup as I stayed on the bench, just waiting for her to come to the exit....pretending I hadn't bought anything. Of course we busted each other, in the end, but I got two kisses, and some lipstick smooshed on my face, so I think it was a fair exchange.

She decided after dinner that she was going to wait before going to the bathroom, and we drove by the theater we thought we'd be seeing the flick at, it was shut down, and we headed to Universal to their huge cineplexmegasupermonsterdome. The entire time she's trying to hold it, saying pleasehurrypleasehurryohhhhimgoingtopee---forthelove---pleasehurry--uhmmm---hurryhurry--nobumps---hurryhurryhurry

and I'm trying not to make her laugh which only makes it worse for her, but I couldn't help whistling "Singing in the Rain" to make it a tiny bit worse. Horrible, I know.

I blasted into the valet parking so she could shoot up the escalator to the restroom....she moves fast when she's got a full bladder, that Susan.

I got a feeling last night with her, that made me think she's just holding things inside, and that there really is some sort of spark for her, towards me.

I feel good when I'm with her.

I don't feel like I'm not good enough, or that I'm better than her, or that she's not smart enough...or too superficial, too moody or morose..

I feel matched and balanced.

I don't feel an overwhelming sense of passion though, and that kind of worries me, considering how I know myself to be regarding romance and passion and it's importance to me.

Do these things ever blossom this slowly and reach that full blown state that I've convinced myself that I can't live without?

I've never had someone go longer than two weeks bofore they convinced themselves (and me) that they were in love with me.

It makes me feel weird, having a normal relationship with someone like her.

You know what's funny?

Susan can't sleep well....she is a light sleeper and wakes up throughout the night at the slightest sound or creak of her bed or the floor, the roof, anything.

It's the bad ones that have no trouble sleeping at night, I've found.

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