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2002-02-18 - 8:02 p.m.

here goes..

Her mom hates me. blames me for destroying her life.

Because of you my life is ruined, I can't get a loan, and I couldn't sell all the stock. You act like you did all these good things, the only thing you are good at is being a dad.

She lives in Fremont california. APPARENTLY. Who the fuck knows? She does, I don't. I'm sure my brother knows, they are all fucking buddy buddy.

She visits her daughter 6 times in 18 months and I'm to blame for that apparently. Destroyer of lives, that's me.

Hasn't been said only once, the jury's still out on that one.

No it's not.

I pay all her credit card bills, when I can, I pay for her car insurance. It's on mine, nonetheless.

I only recently stopped paying for her car, and only then because I can't afford it.

Fact: I wasn't a great husband.

Second Fact: I wasn't going to get better at it, as long as I was married to her.

Chloe's mom stays at my apartment without asking, everytime she shows up, which is almost never, and disrupts my life.

But I'm the one who's the destroyer of lives.

God forbid I bring home some hot chick and trick her into taking her clothes off.

Yeah right.

No hot chicks for me.

Susan and I have only been alone three times in six months.

Her mom has cancer.




She's dying.

What kind of person would I be if I walked away from her and didn't make myself available for her as a support unit, a friend, and more....if I just said, okay too much for you, goodbye.

She only talks to me, outside of her family, and I know that I'm an outlet she needs right now.

I just hope that when it's done, that she still cares enough about me to keep working on us.

But I'm not very hopeful.

I know it's selfish of me, but I just want some acknowledgement, and considering that she is one of the least expressive people I've ever met, and she bottles up her's hard to get those signals that tell me I'm wanted, or needed, or even appreciated.

I got a job offer from Korea. To teach. Why would I even consider this?

I've gone three weeks without pay, and probably won't see another paycheck and if it keeps up, guess what? I have to find out what it's like to be bankrupt.

I'm sure it's not so bad.

So they want me to go teach a family of four teenage girls some english, 20,17,11, and 9, or something... conversational and scholastic english.

I used to teach at a Korean industrial university in Kunsan.

Easy money.

They will pay 70-90k plus apartment and food. Transportation allowance negotiable.

So, maybe I'm going.

Susan is one of the only reasons that I'd stay here.

How stupid is that?

Pictures now.

Chloe and I had dimsum and went to the park. EXCITING.

She saw these whatever flowers, and wanted them. She was scared to pick them though.

Up on the slide she got all mad at me here, because I wouldn't look up at her and watch her slide down the pole. She's all--DADDY!!!!

Down the slide. Finally. Like three hours of LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME

The See Saw, or Teeter Totter if you will. I'm doing most of the Teetering.

Ellie took this picture of us. Ellie is a waitress I know who has twin girls, beautiful ones that her husband took to raise. Just took them, and said you can't afford them. I feel horrible for her and wonder if that's how Jeonga views me.

Sleepy. It's naptime almost.

At the park. Running.

These guys were playing football off to the left. There was a girl Chloe's age who was running and saying throw the ball here, and her dad did and it clipped her in the ankles when she was running and she bit it. Chloe bust out laughing at her. Hah.

Finally she picks a flower.

Tire Swing = Dirt Pants

Tire swing = A shitload of fun for Chloe also.

At Karls, sneaky.

At Karls, caught.

At Karls, pissed.

Chloe took these pics. My cup.

Her being like me, taking some vanity shots of herself.

She tried to take a picture of Ellie. She got all glass.

Ellie. Sort of. Like half Ellie.

I sit like a total fag.

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