Stupid Image Host. Archives have broken links.
2002-05-19 - 11:46 p.m.
note to susan.
I just thought I'd write you a note, a quick email, since I rarely get a chance to do that anymore.
I miss chatting with you as much as we used to, I miss writing email, and seeing your HUGE GIGANTIC CAPS!! (i really do) At least now, I'm being more productive with my time online during the day.
And I can't complain when we talk each and every night on the phone. Hearing your voice keeps me grounded and makes me appreciate having you in my life.
I know you don't think you're being very strong, with how you're handling your mother, and that situation there..but you are. As an outsider, and someone who cares very much about you (and her) I am very proud of you, and wish I could be that strong if I was in your shoes.
Not only that, with the added pressure of being at home, and in that situation, balancing between your parents, which believe me, is not the ideal place or situation for you, it just makes me want to be able to displace some of the burden, some of the pressure and pain..and take it for myself.
You know that if I could do that for you I would. To be honest, there's really not much I wouldn't do for you.
yeah yeah , i'm getting into the mushy stuff.....
I love being with you. I love spending time with you kissing, making love,eating, talking, driving, laughing, teasing....everything.
There hasn't been a single day since we met, that I haven't thought of you. Each and every day.
Sometimes I worry, that you don't feel that way about me..that you don't care for me as much as I do for you. I know that you express things differently, and that's okay...I *DO* see when you show me how you feel.
The way you personalized my birthday...alot of thought in each gift, each from a different stage in our relationship over the past eight plus months....
I SEE that Susan, and it means alot to me. Sometimes I get confused by what I am to you, a friend? lover? something more, a boyfriend...I know they are just words, but you know what I mean?
I know that sometimes I'm forgetful, and even guy-dumb....but don't ever think it's because I don't have a tremendous amount of affection and care for you in my heart. ever!
I know that I'm different than people that you've been close to in the past...and that I'm very expressive. You do that to me, you know...I'm not so open with others, as I am with you, it just flows out..I can't help it, and bottling it up just makes it harder.
You're so great..incredible personality, you're real, you're sweet, warm, caring, beautiful.
I've only been in love twice before, and just know that I am, right now, with you, and whenever you need me, for whatever you need me for, I'm there for you.
I am, today, being torn apart by my decision to stay here, or move, and for you I'd drop all thoughts of California, to see where this things going, this us...
I can't wait to see you, to talk to you, hear your voice, make you laugh....
(p.s. I blew a tire coming home last night on the bridge from St. Pete, and emergency services had to pull my car, with me still in it, off the edge of the fishing run off hanging over the bay.
...not dangling, but precarious, non the less.
I didn't want to leave that on your voice mail...but I wanted to tell you today in case we didn't talk on the phone tonight.)