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2002-08-19 - 8:03 p.m.

when going through all my stuff that I shipped out here, I opened a small green box.

It contained:

20 or so handpainted ww2 german and american soldiers. I've had these since I was 11 years old.

I painted them with my father. It is one of the only father/son things we've ever done, just the two of us. (i have two brothers)

a camo makeup kit. I had this when I was in AF special ops. I only had to use it a few times during base exercises.

Some thread, some needles, an old rack of my ribbons and medals that I earned in the service, and during the war.

A metal clip holding:

a man's wedding band, gold, ringed with small circular ornamentation on the inner band. simple.

my grandmother's wedding and engagement ring set, worn by her grandmother, passed to her, and then to my wife.

Holding those small soft pieces of metal in my hand today, was the first time I have ever openly weeped about how much I hurt Jeonga, and in turn, Chloe, and admittedly myself, by chasing love with reckless abandon.

I am filled with guilt. I can argue that I did it for the right reasons, but the results, and evidence of my selfishness are abundant.

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dad. married father.
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