Stupid Image Host. Archives have broken links.
2002-09-05 - 4:11 p.m.
I was looking at photos today...and found some photos of my ex-wife, chloe's mom...
I think things would have been much easier, and maybe even better for everyone if I could have loved her.
You're supposed to love your wife. Sometimes I hate myself for not being able to give her that. She deserves that. Every wife deserves that.
Chloe deserves to have her mom in her life. I need to figure out a way to not feel like that's my fault too.
Either way I will do my best being mom and dad for her, since I'm the only one who seems to want to do that right now.
I get dizzy thinking about the possibility of not having the role I do now in her life.
I feel ill when I envision her mother waking up every day, looking at the phone, and not calling Chloe, listening to voice mails I leave with Chloe saying I miss you mommy, or getting in the car (which I got and paid for her after we were divorced) and not driving the 4 hours to come see her face.
I wish I knew what she was going through. I wish I could understand, and help her through whatever it is that keeps her from being in Chloe's life.
I think things would have been much easier, and maybe even better for everyone if I could have kept on pretending.