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2002-11-17 - 12:32 p.m.

Went to a dinner party with friends from work, and got seated near this girl Adri, and tried to fumble through a conversation with her, unsuccessfully, her english as bad as my hungarian.

That is to say, non-existant.

Food came and went, appetizers, soups, things to share and new things to explore and taste, the table itself, covered with meats and sauces, cabbage rolls, veggies, and hot bread.

We clicked at once, though, and she started writing me SMS's and then we'd run the text through the WAP translator, and were literally oblivious to the rest of the table, passing this phone back and forth and laughing at the way it murdered our respective languages.

Wine was in abundance, and we were really having a great time, and someone suggested heading back for drinks to Thomas' place. Thomas said he didn't have his keys (roommate), and said let's head to Justin's so we did.

Around 330 everyone was gone, and I called Adri a taxi, and that was that.

Except, it wasn't.

The taxi never showed, and we ended up laying in my bed, talking and reading my dictionary until she finally grabbed it from my searching hands, and tossed it across the room.

She pushed me quickly onto my back and sat on top of me, kissed me and I felt it:

The corners of her mouth, turning up and into a smile as she felt me kiss her back.

I had no idea how much I missed that; the feeling you get, when you know someone wants you and feels good to be next to you.

We ended up pushing back the morning, fighting it, for hours, wrapped up together, covers and sheets knotted up around us, unable to get out of bed even if we wanted to.

Half awake, both of us.

When the sun finally broke through, holding her from behind, I whispered things in english, soft sweet things, kisses and confessions, clear and unfiltered, knowing she understood nothing I was saying.

She came awake, reached around behind her head to my cheek, and pulled my face past hers, so she could kiss my neck and ears.

I felt her catch her breath, pause, and then she told me things, unfettered by the fear of rejection or misunderstanding, knowing I couldn't understand a word she said.

I think that is a thousand times better than pretending you know what a person feels, interpreting their words, their professions of love and affection, running it through your brain a dozen times until it's base and empty and nothing.

I don't think I could tell her anything she hasn't heard a thousand times before, and vice versa. All those things I've had whispered in my ear by others, just haunt me now anyways.

The first thing Kara said to me, the first time we made love, was this:

"Someday you're going to marry me."

It's not something that makes me smile, it used to. No, now it's just something that makes me ache and regret.

I could be with someone forever if they promised me to never learn a single word of English.

(not really)

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