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Stupid Image Host. Archives have broken links.
2003-06-19 - 1:35 a.m.
I don't question Marie's love for me. I really don't. I know how I feel about her as well. When I step back and look at *us*, there is nothing but a clear picture of two people who genuinely feel the other person is the one person they would truly find happiness with, in sharing each others lives. I hate that I constantly am assaulted by friends and others about the validity of our relationship. First off, any relationship is hard to see through, and make work. Life is often a difficult journey even when you have a ton of great things going on. When things are challenging and there are a stack of *if's* and roadblocks in front of me, the realization that I have Marie with me to jump those hurdles, and meet those challenges, makes me overjoyed and overwhelmed. She is mine and loves me, the way I do her. The other night on the phone she mentioned that "It's us against the world." That made me mad. Why does it have to be that way? Why do we constantly have to face stares on the public transport. Why do I have to deal with our age difference as being some big variable that defines our relationship, to others, when to us, it's just something almost....transparent and amusing. We're together, and we were the closest of friends as we moved toward one another last year, and never anticipated anything happening this way. But, it did. For a reason too, I believe. Marie is so much like me, in her immediate and long-term relationship needs. She gives to me everything I could ever dream or hope to get from a lover, a friend, and a partner. I think, no, I KNOW that I do the same for her. As we move through our lives, we will face a million barriers and events that will put us to task, and test the strength of our bond. I never have to wonder if when I look down, whether or not I will see her hand in mine the whole way. I know that she will always be there, in my life, and by my side. I have been struggling lately. I have had a hard time articulating that to Marie, and pinpointing what it is that has me upset. It's not about us. It's not even so much my fear that one day I won't be enough for her and that she will need more than I am able to give her. What it might be is my growing intolerance for anyone who finds huge flaws in what we are, or casts doubt on whether we have a viable future together. Because to be frank, and honest, theres not a person reading this, or reading anything anywhere for that matter, that has any fucking clue how incredibly amazing we are. Anyone who has ever known the feeling of what it's like to have THE ONE laying next to you each and every morning, gazing back at you, mouthing I love yous, and brushing fingertips along your body.....they know what we feel, and just what it's worth to risk to have it and hold onto it. She is worth the risk. I miss her so much right now. Four days.
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