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2004-06-17 - 4:46 p.m.

How did any of us make it this far?

How did we survive our childhoods, our schoolyard mishaps, sixth-grade bullies, algebra, first kisses and do you like me?-check-yes-for-yes-no-for no-maybe-for-please-don't-let-it-be-no notes...

I'm wondering how we survived dodgeball. Balls to the back of the head, bullets to the calves, eating gravelly schoolyard concrete daily.

How'd we not kill ourselves on jungle-gyms hanging over white-hot asphalt? I went to school with some total fuck ups and none of them managed to fall off and snap their necks. How is that?

I have had a crush on every girl who has ever remotely acknowledged my presence, with a smile, a wave, a hello, anything, just something that let me know she realizes I'm breathing air and walking on two legs.

How do we deal with rejection after rejection? Girl after girl wanting to be just friends? I'm sorry I don't feel the same way letters, I don't feel the "spark" letters, I've met someone else letters, please stop calling me and hanging up letters.

(is that just me?)

Bikes. BB Guns. Lighting Stuff on Fire. Baseball. Swimming in the River. Jumping off the bridge. Drinking boone's farm and beer and..and drinking whatever you could get your hands on at age 16, friday nights after school dances. Getting into cars, which followed other cars full of drinking teenagers, to houses filled with drinking teenagers, some of whom either:

a) want me to make them laugh

b) want to know who invited me

c) want to beat me up

d) have no intentions of ever letting me touch their tits.

Job Interviews, Divorce, threat of insolvency, losing millions, Cancer, Gulf war, heartache, pressures of job, family, money, life, god(no), my waistline, my hairline, my bank statement, my horrible shoes, one black hair growing out of my ear, a thousand growing out of my nose, my parents getting old, fear of losing marie, career goals, having no muscle tone, being thirty-motherfuckin-three, upcoming wedding, having another baby, growing old...and watching chloe do the same.

And that is why your Daddy drinks bourbon.

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this wall has no mortar
35 Years old. 1971.
Taurus. Year of the Pig. Oink
Greying. Dyes, on occasion.
Blue/Green/Grey Eyes.
5'11. Okay, 5'10
215 pounds of boy
dad. married father.
love, big fan of/in
day: sr proj manager
night: pro wrestler (grr)

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