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2006-07-05 - 2:27 p.m.

Dear Guy I Shared Bathroom Time with Today,

I am really confused. Ok, I'll be honest, I am not in the bathroom to plant flowers, or hang out, or anything involving pleasantries. I'm there to poop or pee. Today, it was pee.

But you, Bathroom Guy, you had to fuck me up today, didn't you? First off you violated one of my own self-imposed rules, one that I wish everyone would themselves adopt and follow as their own.

You exited the stall seconds after flushing, letting me make eye contact with you, the shitter. Why? Couldn't you have waited until I was done peeing, finished washing, and a few seconds exited from the bathroom?

No, you could not.

Also, thanks for drawing attention to the fact that you took your pasta (I'm guessing from the sauce stain) bowl and fork into the bathroom, as you brought it to the sink to rinse out, directly after taking a shit.

Guess what? Your poopy hands were all over the rim of the bowl, that blows my mind so much I can't even think straight. Also, ever think of all the foul floating molecules that are in bathrooms just flying around the air? They land on stuff, some of which will end up being your utensil and bowl. That's so gross, Bathroom Guy.

Then you topped it all off. You didn't have to brush your teeth, that was just for show I'm absolutely certain of that. This was the give away that your entire bathroom behavior for the previous 2 minutes was show, some sort of performance art designed to make me throw up in my mouth.

Nobody should ever do what you did, let alone try to pass it off for normal behavior, that entire scene made my brain jump out of my head.


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