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2001-06-22 - 4:17 p.m.
This weekend I'll be taking care of me. Taking care of the need to be happy, and to find out what I'm doing and why. My life has been pretty roller-coastery this past year, and some stability and normalcy will be a breath of fresh air (said the pro-wrestling single dad recovering from bad-arm)
The time I've spent with Mindy, has been wonderful. When I was in high school I'd stay on the phone with Sandy B. for hours...into the morning. I'd mostly listen and try to be a good friend to her..
She said to me, "We should go out, since we spend all our time talking on the phone."
She was joking of course, but the thought ran through my head once or twice...never seriously though.
With Mindy, we talk for hours, and she's easily the funniest person I've ever spent time with or talked with. She's also given me unfiltered advice about my recent situation, with Kara, and I owe her alot for picking me up when I'm down and making me see that I can't be responsible for everything, everyones' feelings....especially when I have to work on making myself happy first.
I don't know where we're going, her and I...it's hard to tell. She's someone who's been in the dating scene, and me, well...I'm not so good at it.
I don't know how to block my feelings off, and keep them from scarring me. If I'm hurt, it lasts along time. If, tomorrow, she said she didn't want to spend another moment with me, it would affect me tremendously.
This weekend, aside from the wrestling, the apartment cleaning party, and the daddy stuff, there's going to be time for us to read together, laugh together, and maybe time for more.
I just got the word that I'm not to wait or "take any more time making my mind up" about anything or anyone...so---so I'm not going to.
I need every smile I can get.