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2001-07-05 - 9:28 a.m.

Monday July 2nd, 11pm:

I'm so glad to be back. I miss her alot though. This is going to be a tough month. A good month, but rough on dad. Welcome back, me.

Monday July 2nd, 4am:

She's there, on the couch, sleeping. I want to wake her up, but she didn't fall asleep till 11....and she looks so perfect and calm.

I don't know how I'm going to get on this plane and leave her here.

I know I promised but I can't. I am just going to tell Mom that her throwing up has me too worried to leave her. She'll understand-no she won't. She'll cry, and she'll feel betrayed,

and she'll cry.

Okay, so she's staying, fuck, where's the insurance information, and chole's perscriptions, and she'll need money to get some of her favorite foods and snacks, and the weekly barbie binge, and how in the hell will I survive a month without her? What about her doctors contact stuff, and I need to call Jeonga, and let her know her daughter is going to be in California, and what if she says no?

It'd be nice if she'd answer the goddamn phone once in a while. Just watch, she's going to say that she planned on visiting this week, and how this messes all that up.

She's awake now, looking at me. What time is it? 415? I have time to snuggle up with her and just talk to her, tell her how much I'm going to miss her, and how much daddy needs her. I do, right?

I do.

Sunday July 1st, 4pm:

I'm so glad I don't live here. Stuff like this would happen all the time, people who didn't grow, and didn't change, bumping into me, wanting to know "what you been up to after all these years!" I know it would be nice to be closer to mom and dad, and Kevin and Dereck, and Chloe would love it, but I just couldn't take that much of it...there's no way.

I mean please, just because you are stuck in this small town, living a small town life doesn't mean I am, or that I plan on coming back to do anything but visit.

That doesn't mean I won't move closer, but I'm not moving in...and I sure the fuck won't be signing up for any horseshoe tossing competitions at the Pizza Palace anytime soon.

Sunday July 1st, 1130am:

Shit, Hal wants me to come up today and watch him in the Championship Tandem Horseshow Tournament. That's going to be a treat. I blew him off last visit, so I can't do that again, even if I had a good excuse last time.

It seems like the only time we see each other is when someone dies or gets married, and there's not a whole lot of difference between the two. The first time he met the ex-wife, he said he wanted to play a song that he was practicing, and holy shit, he's playing Every Rose has a Thorn, and now he's playing Hotel California to the same rhythm. You fucking rule, Hal.

Back to the Pizza Palace---

"Well well well..look who decided to come visit the little people"

Holy shit, it's the Meserole.

"What's up Mike?"

So there we are, Meserole and me, talking about his unemployment scam, and his secret under the table water softener business, or whatever, he's fucking Kramer, and Hal is doing this secret super cool finger signal wave to his partner who just topped someone else's ringer or whatever, and they're like KINGS OF THE HORSESHOW PIT AT THE PIZZA PALACE AND HOLY MOSES PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DOING THE WAVE AT THE HORSESHOE TOURNAMENT.

Saturday June 30, 7:45pm:

I can't believe they're fighting. They just got married, and yeah, I know they've lived three years together, and the wedding was just a formality.

I hope they realize that one day, if they aren't careful, they will say or do something that makes it all fall apart--that no amount of love will be enough to justify living that way...sad, angry, just isn't enough, and then you lose it.

trust me.

Saturday June 30, 11:45AM:

She's crying, it's so amazing, how they're looking at each other. I am not always big on weddings, but this is really nice, being up here, next to him, for him. It wasn't long ago that he was six years old, and we were running a hook through his belt, pullying him up the flagpole of the church,

...or making him shag flies for us at Harvey Park until he would run home, running for his life, as we chased his little ungrateful ass down 2nd Street...that's the last time we let HIM shag OUR fly balls!

and here he is, my brother...and his bride-to-be, she doesn't look so mean and bitter right now, she looks brilliant and beautiful and I'm so happy for them.

Look at everyone..they're smiling, and some are crying, and my mom is beaming.

I wonder when I'll get the chance to make my parents so happy. I wonder when I'll get a chance, to--to get a chance.

This time it will be right. It will be mine, and I'll fight for it, and I'll nurture it, and I'll never ever take it for granted.

And I'll get better chairs. Those chairs are horrible.

Friday June 29th, 0620:

Please be good on this flight Chloe. I feel like such an ass when I have to order a vodka tonic on the breakfast flight.

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