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Stupid Image Host. Archives have broken links.
2002-03-12 - 11:56 a.m.
Where to start? Company going out of business, haven't been paid in over a month. Fucked. Sending our resumes in truckloads. My mom says she'll bail me out, with Grandma's trust fund $$, some of which is mine anyways, provided I agree to pack up and move to California and find a job there. Sounds good? Well, first off I'm considering bankrupcty, because as much and as hard as I tried, taking all of the bills from the marriage, all her credit cards, her car payment, insurance, all of chloe's expenses, everything has just been overwhelming. If I kept a job, throughout this process, no problem. But two companies, two startups, couple million lost in stock and capital and I'm sitting here wondering what the fuck happened. Lost wages, WCO skipped out on 15k salary on me, fucked me on 30 plus days of vacation(all paid, so that's another month's pay), and now this company owes me 2 paychecks come friday....that's another 5 grand. My honda civic that was towed and "sold" before, well guess what? happened again, and I didn't know about it, because it had a flat, was towed from right in the parkinglot of my apartment complex, sold again! Never got my rent deposit back from NYC, 9600 USD! Lapsed insurance (medical) and had to pay for rad treatment out of pocket. fucking FUCK FUCK
On the susan front, she's still kinda closed off to me, but when I mentioned that I'd be moving to California (possibly) she got visibly upset, and was very careful with her words, asking me why and when and if it was for sure.... What is it she feels for me? I am scared to tell her what I feel or how close I feel to her, because I don't know that it will go anywhere. Besides I have lingering feelings for someone I dated previously that keep coming back to haunt me and make me question everything about how I approach relationships....and what I truly feel. I have a perfect time when I'm with her, absolutely amazing time...and I would have liked to seen it go further than casual dating, but it shouldn't be so hard. I shouldn't have to light myself on fire to have someone see me glow. I'm sick of trying so hard. Why doesn't anyone try that hard for me?
I want to confront her with all of this, and make her make some choices. I don't want to be pressuring, but I need to know if we have anything together or if it's been a big waste of my time.
Chloe and I went to dinner last week, to celebrate me having no job. Here's some pictures we took of each other. 
She has no idea that I have a top part of my head, and also I never made her pose like that.
Jeff took Chloe and I along with Amy to see the Flyers play the hometown Tampa Bay Lightning. It was a good time, and Chloe picked the bolts as her favorite team, much to the chagrin of Jeff and bandwagon hopping Amy. "Go white team GO the white team!" Of course I have pictures. 
Chloe, Jeff and Amy. 
Daddy with goofy hair and the most beautiful girl in the world. (ignore hat) 
Chloe's awesome picture of the Ice Palace. 
Chloe took a picture of her boyfriend Jeff. Jeff's House. (haha) 
My daughter is beautiful. Cute pic of Amy too. 
Chloe took another pic of Jeff and Amy, but in this one you can see Amy's bra, so I included it. 
See that? That's the top of the seating behind Jeff. We were at the very top of the whole place, and tickets were still 25 bucks or something. Hockey is spensive. Good thing Jeff is my pal and paid! 
I had to hold her in place here. I wanted to get a shot of her and all the people and the ice. We had tons of fun, even if she would rather sit with Amy and Jeff than Dad. =( 
Jeff is super tall looking in this picture. 
Diet Coke for her figure. Nobody email me talking about danger of diet sodas for children, I have no energy to argue with you.
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